After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
