too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
