apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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