At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
