defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
