I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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