sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
