Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
