I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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