What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
