Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
