I will die if light touches me.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
cat food counts as protein by the way
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
