I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
