So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i think i just lost a toe
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
