They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
