I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
