last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
