I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
