Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
