Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
