Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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