would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
