Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
