so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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