So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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