the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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