I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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