I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
