..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
