Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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