Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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