So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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