yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
