Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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