Don't you send me to vm
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
