Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
