Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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