Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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