Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
