Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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