i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
