Soap is not a condiment
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
