This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
