butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
