she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
