yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
