I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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