if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
