this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Pooping to opera.
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