I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
